Fred Is Dead

ATTENTION-I don't normally do things like this but I have to make a request. If you are going to read this post please read through to the end. It deals with topics that are hot buttons for a lot of people. It is not my intent to offend. I write merely as an attempt at understanding, healing and with an intention of creating an open and honest document and dialogue. Thank you.


Fred Phelps died today. I shouldn't need to explain but just in case the name doesn't ring a bell he was the leader of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church. You know, the people who show up at funerals for homosexuals waving signs with such "clever" slogans as "God Hates Fags". They have protested outside of funerals for members of the military as well. I heard about Mr. Phelps's death on the radio during my lunch break this afternoon. The reaction I had was most unexpected.

I felt an overwhelming sadness. I even shed a tear.

Told you it was unexpected.

My reaction surprised me. It made me think about the whole situation. Over lunch. I'm not sure I like the feeling I had but it's important to understand it. Please stay with me, and maybe we can think this whole situation through. Note that I in no way endorse or condone what Phelps and his followers have done. I have no intention to glorify any of it. But the sadness was very real and I need to talk about the reasons.

First, I am saddened for the people who were victims of the hatred spread by Phelps and his followers. Burying your dead is difficult enough without having to defend them as well. The kicker here is that there were almost certainly people at the funerals of homosexual family members who never quite came to terms with the sexual orientation of their recently deceased family member. And I can't help but think that maybe there would be a few anti-military types ( or at least some anti -war types) at a military serviceperson's funeral as well. With the Westboro crowd around, not only did these unfortunate folks have to deal with their loss but it also would have forced out any guilt they may be feeling at the time. My heart goes out to these families around the country.

And as a Christian I am saddened by what Fred Phelps has done to us. We don't get the best press these days as is, and Phelps didn't win us any admirers. People like Phelps are a walking stereotype who give all the ammunition needed to anyone outside the Church who want to label us as hypocrites and hate mongers. And it's hard to argue against them when the evidence given is so strong.

Also included with the damage done to Christians as a whole is the damage done to Baptists in particular. On the whole Baptists are not the most progressive bunch (I grew up as one, I know), but there are some really great people in the Baptist church. Good, kind, caring people. Not bigots. The younger leadership has been moving the Baptist Church  along a bit over the past ten years or so, making it a vibrant, relevant church for young and old alike. And it's a pity that most people won't notice this. When people hear the word "Baptist" nowadays they mostly think of Westboro. I pray the church can rise above the damage done.

I am also saddened for Fred Phelps, the man. I do not believe that he got into ministry solely to perpetuate anger, hatred and fear. Let's not forget that as a lawyer he was among the most active in bringing down Jim Crow laws in Kansas. This alone is proof that at one time his intentions were good. But at some point it all went downhill. The man got the wrong end of the stick and waved it around for all to see. He was later disbarred from practicing law in Kansas, but did practice in Federal Court. He also cut ties with the Baptist church who hired and ordained him originally and shaped Westboro Baptist into his own image.

I just can't help but wonder "what if?". I mean, I have never heard a sermon by Mr. Phelps, but evidence suggests that he must be a good speaker. Most lawyers are, and preachers doubly so. And for Phelps to be able to build up his own church, fill the people's heads with this sort of bile, and then get them to act upon his ideas...well, obviously this was a man who was quite convincing to say the least. But he got it all wrong. Even if he truly believed he was doing God's work. Instead of conforming his own ideas and prejudices and anger to the word of God he twisted the word to fit his own desires. Always a bad idea. But just think that if he truly was a great communicator, what a blessing he could have been for God's kingdom! I am saddened by the loss of what could have been a great ministry.

Naturally, the question has crossed my mind. Where is Fred Phelps now? Has he gone on to his reward or did he receive his regulation red suit and pitchfork? I don't know. I am not God and it is not my decision to make. My gut reaction is that Phelps was nothing but an attention seeking hate monger and is getting what he deserves.

But.

I believe in a God of infinite grace. I believe that He forgives. He will punish false prophets and false teaching, I have no doubt. But let's be honest, how many of us have gotten it wrong too? How often have we misunderstood scripture and lived our lives in misunderstanding until it was made clear? Even worse, how many times have we ignored scripture altogether?

Who among us is not guilty of breaking a Commandment? If not by deed then at least by thought? How many can truly say we've never blown it? My guess is none. Aren't we all counting on God's grace for forgiveness and redemption? Well, so was Fred Phelps.

When I meet God the Father on my day of Judgement, I know that my record will be seriously blemished. It is my desire that He will still receive me with open arms, even though I got it so wrong so often, and welcome me home. Fred Phelps did too. Again, I don't know where the destiny of Fred Phelps lies, but I know that God has the power to forgive if He chooses. And whether I would make the same choice is irrelevant. God will decide and it will be perfect, holy and right.

So I think that the tear I shed was for all of us. Those of us who are saved and those who are not. Those of us who are trying so hard and not getting it right, those who are on the righteous path and those completely lost.

In the coming days/weeks we will see a lot of Fred Phelps jokes. For once, I won't be joining in. I am going to take the high road and show him and his family the respect that he could not show to others. Yes. Phelps left a terrible legacy and ideology that may still be alive in the hearts and minds of his followers, but at least I can still do unto others as I would have them do unto me.

Okay, that got long. Sorry. Thanks for reading. Comments are open, but let's keep it civil guys. Nobody liked the hate speech from Phelps, let's not use it towards him or each other either. I'll post something light and fluffy next time. Promise.

Daddyblog: Trikes and Bikes

Yesterday my son Patterson decided he wanted to go outside and ride his tricycle.  Apparently, two viewings of the Care Bears "Oopsy  Does It" movie was more than sufficient for him.  It's not actually as bad as it sounds, and has a fun little song by Kay Hanley (formerly of super awesome '90s alt-rock band Letters To Cleo), but two sittings inspired the boy to get the heck out of the house.  This in turn inspired his sisters to do the same so we all went out front for a little play before dinner.

Now, we haven't got the bikes out for months, so there were a few hitches.  Helmet sizes need to be reevaluated before Spring kicks in, and for some reason I've never bought a bicycle pump so not every body's tires exactly had what you'd call air in them.  Melody's bike and helmet were perfect so she was off and moving right away.  Tessa's helmet fit pretty well, but her tires were non-starters.  So she rode her little brother's big boy bike for a while, but it didn't really fit her so that didn't last too long.  Eventually I wound up playing soccer with the girls in the side yard.

But what about the boy?  Wasn't this whole thing his idea to begin with?  Why did his sister ride his bike?  Come on, what gives?

Well, see, Patterson's idea was to ride his tricycle.  Trouble is, he's too big for his trike.  He has a big boy bike inherited from cousin Alex, but he's not very good at it so he is intimidated by the thing.  So being the Daddy I encouraged him to ride the bike.  I tried to be as encouraging as possible, but it did not go well.  The conversation went something along the lines of:

      "Buddy, you're too big for your tricycle. Let's ride your big boy bike!"

       "No. I don't want to. I can't ride it."
      
       "Sure you can. You can do it. I'll help."

       "NO. I want tricycle."

       "Patterson, the tricycle is for little boys."

       "I am a little boy."

       "No, you're my big boy. Let's go ride your bike!"

At this point he burst into tears and ran inside to his mother screaming, "Daddy only likes bicycles...He doesn't like ME!"


Ouch. That one hurt. A part of me wanted to relent, but I did not.  At this point I had a "Parenting Decision" to make. I can't very well teach the boy that crying and making a big deal out of an issue will get him his way.  Sometimes it will, but it shouldn't be a habit. Besides there are plenty of people out there to teach him the wrong way to do things so I should stand my ground and be consistent as possible.

It did trouble me though that his thought process went straight to "Daddy doesn't like me".  I expect to get the occasional "I hate you"s from the kids in their pre-teen/teenage years, but I never want them to think I don't like them, or love them for that matter.  Granted, he's only three years old so that has a lot to do with it but it still didn't sit right.

So I tried to play with him a little extra last night and told him I loved him a few extra times as well. by this morning he was saying "I love you" back to me, so we seem to be back to normal.  I knew we would be, but it's still nice to know.

Maybe we'll try again next weekend if the weather holds up.  I think the tricycle is going to disappear, and that will get him on the big boy bike.  But his helmet is too small,  I'm just wondering how that's gonna go...