I want to tell you a story about Mike. I didn't know him very well but I want to tell the story anyway.
This goes back to the late 90's, when I was in my late twenties. I was working overnights for a building maintenance company in St. Louis. I'd go to four different buildings a night and do whatever was needed. For a while I worked two of those buildings with a guy named Mike. We worked well together, were very efficient, and had enough in common to carry on conversations and not get bored. I liked Mike a lot, he was a good guy.
At one point, Mike started asking me if I wanted a beer after work. I'd always turn him down. After all, it was only midnight and I had two more buildings to hit. Also, he kept his beer in the trunk of his car, in the Summer. Honestly, that did not appeal in the least. It also made me wonder if he was an alcoholic. I still don't know the answer to that question.
Anyway, this kept up for a few weeks on and off and I would always refuse as nicely as possible. One night, a Thursday if I recall, Mike started asking me before we were done working. He just kept going on about it, saying we should hang out after work and have some beers. "Come on, man, just for a little while. Just hang out with me. Just for a while." Again I said no. I told him that maybe we could get together the following weekend. He was disappointed. His whole face sunk. I told him to have a good night and I'd see him tomorrow. Except I wouldn't. I drove off and left him to drink his warm beer in the HealthSouth parking lot.
The next day I got a call from our manager, Brad, at the main office. He said he would meet me at the start of my shift and work with me that night. So Brad shows up at 6:00 looking a bit haggard. I asked where Mike was working that night, since obviously Brad was working with me for some sort of evaluation.
"You know that nature area out off of Manchester and 141?"
"Yeah. Drive by it almost every night."
"Mike drove out there last night and shot himself. He's dead. His parents called me today to tell me. And I had to ask his mother if I could come get the keys he had in his pocket so we could open these buildings tonight."
Then he gave me the keys. Needless to say I was taken aback quite a bit and it was a horrible night.
That was the first time someone I knew committed suicide. Sadly, it was not the last.
Today would have been my cousin Patrick's birthday. I wrote about him on the blog in April of 2014, so I won't rehash it all here, but you can check it out in the archives if you wish. He killed himself that year, and I think about him a lot.
There are other stories, but I'm not going to dwell any longer. I feel a little bit of guilt attatched to both of these stories. No, I don't feel responsible for what either man did. But I feel guilty that I wasn't closer to my cousin as an adult. And as for Mike, I always wondered if I shouldn't have made more of an effort to be a friend.
September is National Suicide Prevention Month. It's hard to predict a suicide, and harder to prevent one. Because you never know what's going on in another person's head. Look at how shocked people were when Robin Williams died. You just never know.
And that's why I'm writing this post. It's not up to doctors or medical professionals to help prevent suicide, like it is with disease. Suicide is a personal thing and the reasons and symptoms differ from person to person. It's up to us.
So here's the deal. BE INVOLVED with the people you love. Family members, friends, co workers, etc. You never know who needs some kind words and support. We all have a mask that we put on so we don't have to show our vulnerabilities to the world. But we've all got them, and sometimes the breaking point is reached. So be there for the ones you love. Or like. Or even if you don't like them all that much but they seem to need a positive word. Even a smile and small compliment could save a life.
And if you need help, get help. Don't be afraid to take off the mask when you need to. We all do from time to time. Find a friend, family member, pastor, or co worker to talk to. If you can't do that then call this number 1-800-273-TALK. There's a sympathetic ear waiting. Don't be a statistic. Live your life. There's another birthday and another warm beer waiting for you. And that's so much better than the alternative. Trust me.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
On The Subject Of Gun Control
As I said a few blogs back, I am going to start tackling some serious topics here. No doubt I will anger or offend some. That is going to be unavoidable and I regret that. But if you don't mind hearing and thinking about an opposing viewpoint now and again, read on. Thanks for taking the time.
-Dave
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So. What's it going to take? What's it going to take for us to have a real conversation in this country? I mean a real, honest, respectful, logical conversation about gun control? One think that it would take multiple mass shootings, and people being murdered on live t.v. for us to all wake up and talk.
Evidently it takes more than that.
Let me state this up front, before too many people get ticked off and go straight to the comments to leave all kinds of messages. I don't want to take your guns away. I'll repeat that, it's important.
I. Don't. Want. To. Take. Your. Guns. Away.
I think we need a discussion about gun control, not abolishment. First off, yes, we do have the right to bear arms in this country and I am not naïve enough to think that's going to change. Besides, the gun culture is so prolific in America that even if banning guns were on the table as a viable concept it would be virtually impossible to actually accomplish. So let's just throw that out right now and move on to real nuts and bolts stuff here.
I believe that most gun owners are responsible. Certainly not all, but most. They follow the laws of their own state to a "t' and have gone through training on safety and proper usage. These people lock their guns away when not in use, or at least keep them in a safe place where children are unlikely to come across them. They are used only for hunting or skeet/target shooting and then put away. I have no problem with this.
Then there are the collectors who actually appreciate the craftsmanship that goes into the design of a gun. Some feel a connection to history, some just appreciate a quality piece. Again no problem.
What I have a problem with is the total lack of support or willingness to even consider restrictions on what kinds of guns and ammo can be sold to whom and how. In my experience with gun owners (and I know a lot of them), even the slightest suggestion of a new change in the law is met with a hostility that is deep and volatile enough to be frightening. And this from the type of people I described above.
I mean, if you classify yourself as a responsible gun owner, why is it a problem to make sure that there are rules in place to keep everyone on the same page? It is understandable that there may be the fear of the whole "give 'em an inch" idea, but again, as long as we're not talking about abolishment where's the issue? It really does look bad to the rest of us. Because you're the responsible ones and it makes y'all look irresponsible.
And you know who I mean by the irresponsible ones. These are the people who give loaded automatic rifles to six year olds and take them out to shoot. These are the ones who pose for family pictures in gun belts and holding their weaponry. The ones who start communes. These are the guys who are armed to the teeth and are afraid that "the ty-rannical gub'ment's comin'" to take their freedon and that they'll actually be in (and win) a standoff with our nation's military when the revolution comes.
Do you want to be part of that? Because that's what it looks like from over here. So let's just talk, okay?
Before we move on, I'd like to point out one place where I find a little bit of common ground. I have heard it said quite a bit recently that the biggest problem involved in the mass shootings that are becoming more frequent (and less surprising) is mental health, not guns. I agree whole heartedly that mental illness is a huge problem that we as Americans tend to sweep under the rug, and we don't put enough time, attention, and resources into this area at all.
So the theory says that the person should be blamed and not the gun. And here is where I have some questions, because the fact is that in a mass shooting a gun is used. Why? Because they get the job done. Nobody goes into a crowd with a loaded slingshot and gets the same results. There have been instances where people have used knives, but the numbers are smaller and largely the damage less severe. Nope, when these events have happened (from Columbine to Sandy Hook to Charleston and all points in between) the perpetrators have all wanted to either be a martyr, or be famous, or just show mom and dad, and they all chose to use a gun. So, that's kind of damning to the whole firearm industry is it not?
But then that leads us to availability and ease of purchase. For now I am going to leave the black market out of the discussion, as this is a problem that the local law enforcement and I believe the military should be taking on. Hey, send the army after the black market profiteers and maybe they can get back some of their stuff. Let's just discuss this topic in effect of the average Joe.
It shouldn't be easy to get a gun. And no, I don't think a three day hold is good enough. Classes should have to be passed and permit received before the first purchase. Criminal records and medical records should be accessed. Screw the HIPAA laws, this is public safety and an exception should be made. Or at least a doctor's note. Oh, and collectors, sorry, but pick out the piece you want at the show and then go through the hoops and waiting period before the gun is shipped to you. I know how collectible trade shows work and this idea is not impossible nor will it destroy any one's business.
And NO GIFTING of guns should be allowed. Ever. Remember, the scumbag who shot up the church in Charleston (I won't acknowledge him by name) got the gun as a gift from his father, who knew that his son had issues. In fact, if my information is correct, the kid wasn't able to get a gun due to local laws, so the dad filled out the paperwork on his own and got the gun for his son. Responsible gun ownership? Responsible parenting? I think not. So, to bring this full circle, if I can't blame the gun, can I blame the person who gave the unstable person a gun? And shouldn't he be up on charges too?
Okay, one more thing before I finish. The pro gun side needs some better arguments. I'm not talking about self defense here (although concealed carry scares the crap out of me, and I have seen it abused by people armed in places they are not supposed to be on more than one occasion). If you believe a gun is your best home security option I won't argue with you, I'll just pray you never have to use it.
I will now deconstruct my favorite argument against gun control. It's phrased differently from one speaker to another, but goes something like this: "If you don't have to give up your car because others drive drunk with theirs, then why do you have to give up your gun because others commit crimes with theirs?"
Okay, see...this is just ridiculous. It seems clever on the surface but the argument is a nonsensical one. The flaw in this logic is that it assumes that cars and guns are like objects, and that improper use has the same outcome. Again, I don't want to take your gun, but I can't let this one go.
Let's look at the car. The automobile is a machine designed to transport the driver and passengers from point A to point B. When operated improperly, via drunk or distracted driving, yes accidents do happen and deaths can occur.
However, a gun is a tool that is designed to shoot a bullet into something or someone. The idea is to put a hole through the object the gun is fired towards, often killing it. If a gun is operated improperly, you miss and are a bad shot. See the difference?
Alright, I'm going to stop here. We could get into crime rates and safety concerns and a whole lot of other stuff but this is already long enough. I hope that this tirade hasn't offended too many or lost me any friends. I tried to keep the snark to a minimum (except that last part) and truly hope this made you think instead of just angering people.. And no, I don't assume I changed anyone's mind about the issue. I just want people to really start talking and maybe we can start to find the middle ground. America has some healing to do and hard decisions to make. So we have to talk about these things. Once again, thank you for letting me have my say.
-Dave
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So. What's it going to take? What's it going to take for us to have a real conversation in this country? I mean a real, honest, respectful, logical conversation about gun control? One think that it would take multiple mass shootings, and people being murdered on live t.v. for us to all wake up and talk.
Evidently it takes more than that.
Let me state this up front, before too many people get ticked off and go straight to the comments to leave all kinds of messages. I don't want to take your guns away. I'll repeat that, it's important.
I. Don't. Want. To. Take. Your. Guns. Away.
I think we need a discussion about gun control, not abolishment. First off, yes, we do have the right to bear arms in this country and I am not naïve enough to think that's going to change. Besides, the gun culture is so prolific in America that even if banning guns were on the table as a viable concept it would be virtually impossible to actually accomplish. So let's just throw that out right now and move on to real nuts and bolts stuff here.
I believe that most gun owners are responsible. Certainly not all, but most. They follow the laws of their own state to a "t' and have gone through training on safety and proper usage. These people lock their guns away when not in use, or at least keep them in a safe place where children are unlikely to come across them. They are used only for hunting or skeet/target shooting and then put away. I have no problem with this.
Then there are the collectors who actually appreciate the craftsmanship that goes into the design of a gun. Some feel a connection to history, some just appreciate a quality piece. Again no problem.
What I have a problem with is the total lack of support or willingness to even consider restrictions on what kinds of guns and ammo can be sold to whom and how. In my experience with gun owners (and I know a lot of them), even the slightest suggestion of a new change in the law is met with a hostility that is deep and volatile enough to be frightening. And this from the type of people I described above.
I mean, if you classify yourself as a responsible gun owner, why is it a problem to make sure that there are rules in place to keep everyone on the same page? It is understandable that there may be the fear of the whole "give 'em an inch" idea, but again, as long as we're not talking about abolishment where's the issue? It really does look bad to the rest of us. Because you're the responsible ones and it makes y'all look irresponsible.
And you know who I mean by the irresponsible ones. These are the people who give loaded automatic rifles to six year olds and take them out to shoot. These are the ones who pose for family pictures in gun belts and holding their weaponry. The ones who start communes. These are the guys who are armed to the teeth and are afraid that "the ty-rannical gub'ment's comin'" to take their freedon and that they'll actually be in (and win) a standoff with our nation's military when the revolution comes.
Do you want to be part of that? Because that's what it looks like from over here. So let's just talk, okay?
Before we move on, I'd like to point out one place where I find a little bit of common ground. I have heard it said quite a bit recently that the biggest problem involved in the mass shootings that are becoming more frequent (and less surprising) is mental health, not guns. I agree whole heartedly that mental illness is a huge problem that we as Americans tend to sweep under the rug, and we don't put enough time, attention, and resources into this area at all.
So the theory says that the person should be blamed and not the gun. And here is where I have some questions, because the fact is that in a mass shooting a gun is used. Why? Because they get the job done. Nobody goes into a crowd with a loaded slingshot and gets the same results. There have been instances where people have used knives, but the numbers are smaller and largely the damage less severe. Nope, when these events have happened (from Columbine to Sandy Hook to Charleston and all points in between) the perpetrators have all wanted to either be a martyr, or be famous, or just show mom and dad, and they all chose to use a gun. So, that's kind of damning to the whole firearm industry is it not?
But then that leads us to availability and ease of purchase. For now I am going to leave the black market out of the discussion, as this is a problem that the local law enforcement and I believe the military should be taking on. Hey, send the army after the black market profiteers and maybe they can get back some of their stuff. Let's just discuss this topic in effect of the average Joe.
It shouldn't be easy to get a gun. And no, I don't think a three day hold is good enough. Classes should have to be passed and permit received before the first purchase. Criminal records and medical records should be accessed. Screw the HIPAA laws, this is public safety and an exception should be made. Or at least a doctor's note. Oh, and collectors, sorry, but pick out the piece you want at the show and then go through the hoops and waiting period before the gun is shipped to you. I know how collectible trade shows work and this idea is not impossible nor will it destroy any one's business.
And NO GIFTING of guns should be allowed. Ever. Remember, the scumbag who shot up the church in Charleston (I won't acknowledge him by name) got the gun as a gift from his father, who knew that his son had issues. In fact, if my information is correct, the kid wasn't able to get a gun due to local laws, so the dad filled out the paperwork on his own and got the gun for his son. Responsible gun ownership? Responsible parenting? I think not. So, to bring this full circle, if I can't blame the gun, can I blame the person who gave the unstable person a gun? And shouldn't he be up on charges too?
Okay, one more thing before I finish. The pro gun side needs some better arguments. I'm not talking about self defense here (although concealed carry scares the crap out of me, and I have seen it abused by people armed in places they are not supposed to be on more than one occasion). If you believe a gun is your best home security option I won't argue with you, I'll just pray you never have to use it.
I will now deconstruct my favorite argument against gun control. It's phrased differently from one speaker to another, but goes something like this: "If you don't have to give up your car because others drive drunk with theirs, then why do you have to give up your gun because others commit crimes with theirs?"
Okay, see...this is just ridiculous. It seems clever on the surface but the argument is a nonsensical one. The flaw in this logic is that it assumes that cars and guns are like objects, and that improper use has the same outcome. Again, I don't want to take your gun, but I can't let this one go.
Let's look at the car. The automobile is a machine designed to transport the driver and passengers from point A to point B. When operated improperly, via drunk or distracted driving, yes accidents do happen and deaths can occur.
However, a gun is a tool that is designed to shoot a bullet into something or someone. The idea is to put a hole through the object the gun is fired towards, often killing it. If a gun is operated improperly, you miss and are a bad shot. See the difference?
Alright, I'm going to stop here. We could get into crime rates and safety concerns and a whole lot of other stuff but this is already long enough. I hope that this tirade hasn't offended too many or lost me any friends. I tried to keep the snark to a minimum (except that last part) and truly hope this made you think instead of just angering people.. And no, I don't assume I changed anyone's mind about the issue. I just want people to really start talking and maybe we can start to find the middle ground. America has some healing to do and hard decisions to make. So we have to talk about these things. Once again, thank you for letting me have my say.
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