I want to tell you a story about Mike. I didn't know him very well but I want to tell the story anyway.
This goes back to the late 90's, when I was in my late twenties. I was working overnights for a building maintenance company in St. Louis. I'd go to four different buildings a night and do whatever was needed. For a while I worked two of those buildings with a guy named Mike. We worked well together, were very efficient, and had enough in common to carry on conversations and not get bored. I liked Mike a lot, he was a good guy.
At one point, Mike started asking me if I wanted a beer after work. I'd always turn him down. After all, it was only midnight and I had two more buildings to hit. Also, he kept his beer in the trunk of his car, in the Summer. Honestly, that did not appeal in the least. It also made me wonder if he was an alcoholic. I still don't know the answer to that question.
Anyway, this kept up for a few weeks on and off and I would always refuse as nicely as possible. One night, a Thursday if I recall, Mike started asking me before we were done working. He just kept going on about it, saying we should hang out after work and have some beers. "Come on, man, just for a little while. Just hang out with me. Just for a while." Again I said no. I told him that maybe we could get together the following weekend. He was disappointed. His whole face sunk. I told him to have a good night and I'd see him tomorrow. Except I wouldn't. I drove off and left him to drink his warm beer in the HealthSouth parking lot.
The next day I got a call from our manager, Brad, at the main office. He said he would meet me at the start of my shift and work with me that night. So Brad shows up at 6:00 looking a bit haggard. I asked where Mike was working that night, since obviously Brad was working with me for some sort of evaluation.
"You know that nature area out off of Manchester and 141?"
"Yeah. Drive by it almost every night."
"Mike drove out there last night and shot himself. He's dead. His parents called me today to tell me. And I had to ask his mother if I could come get the keys he had in his pocket so we could open these buildings tonight."
Then he gave me the keys. Needless to say I was taken aback quite a bit and it was a horrible night.
That was the first time someone I knew committed suicide. Sadly, it was not the last.
Today would have been my cousin Patrick's birthday. I wrote about him on the blog in April of 2014, so I won't rehash it all here, but you can check it out in the archives if you wish. He killed himself that year, and I think about him a lot.
There are other stories, but I'm not going to dwell any longer. I feel a little bit of guilt attatched to both of these stories. No, I don't feel responsible for what either man did. But I feel guilty that I wasn't closer to my cousin as an adult. And as for Mike, I always wondered if I shouldn't have made more of an effort to be a friend.
September is National Suicide Prevention Month. It's hard to predict a suicide, and harder to prevent one. Because you never know what's going on in another person's head. Look at how shocked people were when Robin Williams died. You just never know.
And that's why I'm writing this post. It's not up to doctors or medical professionals to help prevent suicide, like it is with disease. Suicide is a personal thing and the reasons and symptoms differ from person to person. It's up to us.
So here's the deal. BE INVOLVED with the people you love. Family members, friends, co workers, etc. You never know who needs some kind words and support. We all have a mask that we put on so we don't have to show our vulnerabilities to the world. But we've all got them, and sometimes the breaking point is reached. So be there for the ones you love. Or like. Or even if you don't like them all that much but they seem to need a positive word. Even a smile and small compliment could save a life.
And if you need help, get help. Don't be afraid to take off the mask when you need to. We all do from time to time. Find a friend, family member, pastor, or co worker to talk to. If you can't do that then call this number 1-800-273-TALK. There's a sympathetic ear waiting. Don't be a statistic. Live your life. There's another birthday and another warm beer waiting for you. And that's so much better than the alternative. Trust me.
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